I'm getting more and more depressed now.

As an Anglican and not a TPJC-ian I'm disappointed lah. Everyone is getting at least 85 points and
i guess that 'why didnt I do as well' feeling will inevitably surface. However, what I think is the worse now
is my 'blame everything and everyone else but myself' attitude. Well, I'm fairly confident I felt as though
I did my best then, but now the thought of maybe I could have worked harder kind of flash across my
mind. Arghh, really feel like putting the blame on the school and everything but I guess there is really
no point. The thing is the feeling starts to get worse when I now doubt myself into being able to get into
courses I want. Really praying hard there isn't some swing in interest this year into those that I prefer.

The more I read up on university courses, the more insecure I get too. Firstly, SMU place more emphasis
on the H2 subjects. It is so pathetic now that my stupid econs is reflected there when I'm trying to get into an
econs course. Secondly, I think my GP is also limiting my choices now, i always had the impression that no
one cares about GP... Haha.

Sigh. I was actually quite ok with my results, but it just gets worse. Oh well. Hopefully everything turns out
fine.

Wanna try guessing who had gotten full marks for his Basic Theory Test? Haha. The test today is

really easier than the one I took previously. I still feel very sad when I realised I wasted 2 months

because of me failing the first time round and it seems that time is not sufficient for me to complete

the whole course before I enlist for national service. To 落井下石, the LCD monitor kept flashing

how 86.7% of students passed on the first try, which made me felt slightly inferior.

Rushed off immediately to TPJC to conduct Chemistry SPA lessons. I've no idea why the school

entrusted me with an A level batch, especially since they are taking their actual SPA in 2 months,

but oh well, I'm in it for the money! The thing is I think I did a great job though! Haha. I dont know

about the rest of you, but I feel very disgusted when I hear my own voice, well it just sounds very

unpleasant. Decided against using the mike to conduct the class because I couldnt stand it, albeit I'd

probably sound the same to them w or w/o the mike.

Thankfully preparation for my chem class and BTT had kept me busy these few days. Just the thought

of getting by my results is killing me, all the flashbacks from 2 years ago. Haha. Ivan still had the cheek

to ask me what I wearing and he has to dress up nicely because he's going on the stage. My previous

job would probably not take things off my mind too since it's rather slack and slow and instead I would

probably face some slow down in productivity.

This would probably be the last time I'm talking about As before D-Day and probably never would again

if D-Day sucked.

Oh yea, wearing a long sleeve shirt to teach in today's weather was crazy.

Well, thanks to Mengleng for helping me make this posting area a little broader, so I can fit more words
per line. It kind of bothered me for a while.

Many many things are happening these days and each day isnt so uniformed routined now. Firstly I finally
quit my much dreaded job. Whatever the thing you're leaving, one would stillhave that slight tinge of longingness and 不舍得-ness. It isnt it this case though. Oh well, I'm still thankful because of the pay check
I'm about to get though. I'll probably miss talking tosome random Italian or French dude where I'll try to fake some Italian accent out so that they will understand me better.

Had dinner with you three yesterday and though I had to end up home late, resulting in me not preparing for today's lessons, it was still fun lah. Thanks to Yixuan for the polaroids too. Actually one hour of work is a
lot lor.

Dragged myself back to TPJC today for the Saturday Coaching Programme. I feel cheated now that there
are suddenly so many other better job offers on Saturdays now. I was initially quite sad when they thought
they had enough tutors and didnt need me anymore. Now, I better off else where earning almost double
my TPJC pay. Anyway I'm like your typical super fit teacher now, because I actually ran 2.4km before
conducting my lessons. Running on the track alone in TPJC do bring back loads of memories and I realised
that I've been running more than 2.4km all along at Pasir Ris Park because I still can have a time of 11min.
Still need to shed another minute by May though! Oh ya, they had removed the sinks and some parts of the
benches in the stadium toilet and had many more shower cubicles installed. It is finally about time they improve
the showering facilities rather than making that stupid make shift shower room where the roof flew off halfway
and the door to it is some flapping curtain thingy that EVERYONE keeps opening.. How to shower in peace?

Met up with qinhui and darren today at MACs and went to the Cosfest after deciding against gymming and
swimming, haha. Hopefully I can take a picture of Darren's ridiculous perm-ed hair and post it here. Anyway
there seems to be A LOT of guys dressing up as a typical anime girl at the cosfest, which is highly disturbing.
It's not like they have those nice features or what too, they just look like a typical Ah Beng with a green wig.
*shudder * Too bad we didnt get a good picture with the only quite chio looking cosplayer haha. She used
her stupid prop to cover herself up too, haha, sian.

Anyway I'm taking my Basic Theory Test yet again this Tues, where I will rush off immediately to TPJC
to carry out 2 LAB lessons with 2 different classes. Though I had gladly accepted the job offer, but seriously,
what were they thinking by giving me an A level batch and doing a SPA lesson with them like 2/3 months before their actual test. HAHAH. Hopefully they don't end up in the hospital or something too.

Results will be out in 6 days. I really do not know what to expect right now. Worse still, how to deal with
the awkwardness to ask your friends how well did they do. Probably wouldnt need to worry about that though, if I end up just flying home to cry. Oh man. Hopefully that doesn't happen..

Oh the dilemma...

I feel so sick and tired of working, but I get paid...

I even contemplated to stay a little longer just to earn more today,

and I feel disgusted with myself. I've got to get rid of this money- mindedness.

I can probably feed a whole village in Zimbabwe for months with a day's pay.

However on the other hand... I get to relax? haha.

Wouldn't donate a full day's pay anyway...

Anyway sometimes my part timer colleagues really get on my nerves. Although they seem

nice and all, but they chose to keep speaking some langauge I cant understand, they chose

to use the full hour break to eat their dinner with no shame at all and have the cheek to

speak Cantonese throughout. Yet they made me sound like an anti-social by not going

their "outing" during non-working hours. Ask me go there to listen to you speak Cantonese

arh? Just so you know, we're all genuinely on good terms, but you wouldnt speak

eg. Chinese when there are Malays among your group of friends right? Every single time...

I really contemplated to learn Malay so I can chat with the Malay dude just to irritate them

Haha. Also, I understand girls tend to eat slower, but 1 hour for a plate of Chicken Rice

is ridiculous lah and you torture me with your nonsense.

如果叫你不走，你会不走吗? Stop bullshiting with me. The previous batch of

co-workers were friendlier and more considerate than this.

Anyway you can check this out,

Disney songs are the best and they're classic. I dont speak for everyone, but don't you

think the standards of cartoons are getting poorer these days? While you may argue that it

could just be that I'm getting too old for them but sometimes they get really gross. It's like

Spongebob almost end up like Giggles or Sniffles from Happy Tree Friends every episode.

Have the writers run out of ideas for this long-running cartoon already? I mean how can you

make an episode out of Spongebob disfiguring Squidward, making him look "handsome"

where the whole Bikini Bottom falls in love with him and he returns back after smashing

his face against a door many many times, as so happened to him before.

Ok. So it isn't just me.

Why are Spongebob episodes getting so disgusting?

A level results are going to be out in most likely a week's time. Many many emotions

come and go every time I think about it. From the utter despair feeling from Os, to

being optimistic, to regretting not working harder but yet again, I felt I gave my best.

I'm just preparing myself for the worst, mentally and well, physically in a sense that

I'm going to map out and plan what to do after getting my results, which is most likely

that I'd take the first bus home, cry for as long as it takes, go out of the house when

everyone gets home to continue crying in Pasir Ris Park, cry myself to sleep. Darren

reminded me that a pair of sunglasses would be useful.

Os was way below expectations, leading me to feel that sad, if I screw As its just

going to be damn sian, because I really dont know what to do next. I think I'll just

faint if I dont see any As ( I mean it ). The more I think about it, the more screwed

I think I am. I was hoping I'd scrape an A1 for everything, but I didnt even get one.

No mood blog le. See you soon...

Hehe, I'm not working tomorrow and I feel so great now!

It's unlike any other weekend because I treat weekends as a period for me do really
relax and have time to breathe, but taking such "work leaves" are just so satisfying.
Though this is technically my last week, I told the boss that I have things on this week
which is aka I will go to work as I please, and that makes me feel great.

I realised blogging is really a good tool archive all your past experiences and you can
easily dig them out with Google search. For eg. I was reading Yijun's blog and I wanted
to find out how I felt during the commando interview, which sadly, I didn't blog about it.
Thankfully my memory is not that bad. After hearing that training there is still comparable
to BMT in Tekong, one would probably feel disappointed for not making the cut and go
into such elite squads. Yet then again, there will probably me many more times I would
wish I wasn't in it if things hadn't be the same. Till today, I still find it frustrated when I try
to think of the reason why I didn't get in, regardless of whether I want to or not. Could it
be the personality test? IQ test? Interview?

Not that I'm being over confident with myself but I highly suspected it is because of the
Indian interviewer. First of all, besides him, the other interviewers were old Chinese men
with huge bellies. Secondly, my interview was quick, like half the time taken by others and
the questions posted were very generic. I do admit that I expressed great disapproval
to their proposal though lah, haha.

Indian commando: Why did you rank commando as the bottom few (8th of 10) among
other options? and why armor/artillery first?
Me: I have no idea. I have no preference, everything is in random. I dont want to be
a commando.

Indian commando: What did you get for NAPHA?
Me: Huh? NAPHA? ( I really forgot what is it)
Me: Ohhh.. Gold =)
Indian commando: Really??!

Haha. All my credibility was instantly lost. But still.. It would be great if he told me the
reason why I wasnt chosen. The only reason that I considered being one was because
of the air borne course, where you get to learn to parachute and well, sky dive to a
certain extent. Not entirely sure if I want to now anyway. Im too old already, not sure
if my heart can take it.

Also, I've worked many jobs before, to my pleasant suprise:

1: IT FAIR salesperson
2: Picking up explosives at army camps
3: Waitering at THE SENTOSA
4: Warehousing
5: Relief teaching
6: Telemarketing
7: Selling school uniform
8: Loaning Nike shoes at VJC

Well, I really think I learnt a lot from each job and though some are just a day worth,
the experiences gained are definitely worth sharing. FYI I haven collect my $28 from
the waitering job yet, after 2 years!

I guess I'll be on a lookout for more job opportunities out there. Well, if I were a 40
year old woman, I would have helped a poor girl sign a form to let her go for some
surgery, acting as her mum for 50bucks. Haha.

I feel depressed every time I have to stop telling stories to people because they already

know them, from here. *sad face.

Anyway, I finally met up some old friends ( literal old) yesterday for dinner!

Shiqi, Ivan and Yixuan. It's really quite relaxing to catch up with friends and find out

what are they really doing these days, especially after a hard day of work and talking

to strangers who probably hate the hell out of me. I can't believe I said Thankyou

after this woman claims I was "insincere" because I do not know her company details

before proposing my offer. Well.. that is the reason why I called her in the first place

right? Just got to bear with it for a few more days!

Dinner was settled at Sakae Sushi ( Sa-Ka-e Su-shi) and it was well,

enjoyable lah! haha ( hello yixuan and shiqi!) Other than competing who has the

slackest or most boring job, we also saw many familiar faces, though they all have

no hair now. I was really skeptical and unsure in many instances when I recognise a

friend but I have to analyse them for a little more before heading up to say Hello.

Everyone just kind of look the same with the same skin tone, uniform, hair... haha.

As a guy, I really pity those Nsmen who either loiter around, waiting for their parents

or worse, taking the mrt home, alone. Sometimes I really wonder if I'll end up saying

bye to my platoon mates in the future and just walk the lonely stretch home, albeit

it is only less than 5 minutes. Maybe 3 if I walk really fast, AHAHHA.

Dating has became an inevitable topic in any conversation with any group of friends

and now it seems that many are on the prowl to find the one, or simply just anyone.

I'm not sure about other singles out there, but for myself, I feel that I'm often caught

in this situation where I create excuses not only to others on why I'm single, but to

myself too, which is often either:

1: Why will someone want to stead a guy going into army?

2: She'd probably find me too lame and use a be fittingly lame excuse to break up

with me. Like I'm too handsome for her or something. You get the point...

Haha, I better clear the air before anyone misunderstands. I just constantly feel the

need to create excuses because I feel I'm not ready for something and that may be

a good or bad thing. However if this keeps up, who knows I'm will be really

forever alone. Fyi I really hate people using this term, forever alone. If you have

so much time and you're so desperate, just go find a girlfriend lah. Anyway I just

realised I'm in no position to even judge them. Haha...

Anyway I've constantly been asked this question these days which I realised I

have to always think about it and yet I never fail to answer it differently to each

person. What type of girls do I like? It's really like asking me what type of shirts do

I like? How am I to be sure I like all black jeans or even most checked shirts?

From past specimens (lol), I cant even remotely spot a trend. After giving it much

thought, I guess if I will only find out myself if I finally meet a girl where I cannot

help it but to ask her out, right?